GottheMoneyAnyway(AComicPiecefortheCCTVSpringFestivalGala2009)PlayscriptbyCuiKaietal.CharactersUncleZhao,actedbyZhaoBenshanShenyang,actedbyShenHeCCTVMan,actedbyBiFu激anYadar,actedbyWang激nfeng(MaoMao)（舞台上是一个餐厅的背景，写着：“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装，身上背着一串蒜头，手上拿着野鸡，拉着毛毛上场。）(Thisshortplayissetinarestaurantnamed"ScottishTaste/Feel."UncleZhao,inhiscustomaryChinesetunicsuit,enters,carryingastringofgarliconhisbackandapheasantinhand,withhisgranddaughterYadarinto)赵本山：到了。毛毛：到了。赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。这不，苏格兰调情（tiáoqíng）。毛毛：爷爷，你念反了，苏格兰情调（qíngdiào）。赵本山：啊，情调？就搁这儿吃。毛毛：爷爷，这家老贵的啦。赵本山：贵？咱带钱了，带三万多块，那包呢？毛毛：我没拿包啊。赵本山：装钱那包，黄包。毛毛：完了，让我落炕上了。赵本山：我说，你这孩子还能办点事吗？！这给你办事，落炕上了还。兜里还有钱吗？毛毛：兜里，多少钱哪才？才70多块钱。赵本山：我还有400。行，够了。毛毛：这也不能够啊。赵本山：哎呀，够不够就这样了。服务员！UncleZhaoHereweare.YadarHereweare.UncleZhaoIt'sthemostpricyeatin'spotinTieling:"ScottishTease/Fool."YadarYougotitwrong-Scottishtaste/feel,nottease/fool.UncleZhaoAllright,taste/feel.We'regonnahaveourmealhereanyway.YadarButit'sveryexpensive.UncleZhaoSowhut?We'vegotthemoney,30,000yuan.Where'sthebag?YadarWhatbag?UncleZhaoTheyellowonewiththemoneyinit.YadarOhno,Ileftitonthebrickbed.UncleZhaoSowhutcanyoudoatall?I'mgoin't'roughallthisforyouandyouhadthenervetoforgetthebagonthebed!Anymoneyleftonyou?YadarLetmesee...(Fumbling)only70-plusyuan.UncleZhaoHere's400more.YadarStillnotenough.UncleZhaoNomatter.Waiter!（小沈阳上）小沈阳：对不起大爷，我们这是高档酒店，不收农副产品。赵本山：不是，我们是吃饭的。小沈阳：妈呀，吃饭的？赵本山：不像啊？小沈阳：不太像。赵本山：我说姑娘啊，这顿饭非常重要。小沈阳：妈呀，你管谁叫姑娘呢，人家是纯爷们。赵本山：咋这么个打扮，还穿个裙子呢。小沈阳：这是按我们苏格兰风格来包装的。再说也不是裙子啊，这不七分裤吗。你看，是有腿的哦。妈呀，着急穿跑偏了。妈呀，我说走道咋没有裆呢。赵本山：行了，那条腿留明儿个穿，哈哈哈。小伙子我跟你说呀，今天我要请一位重要客人吃饭，你一定要招待好。小沈阳：呃，没问题。赵本山：来来来，我问问你，你们这个酒店，如果要急头白脸吃一顿，得多少钱？小沈阳：咋还吃急眼了呢？赵本山：我意思就是，最贵的都点上。小沈阳：得一、两万的。赵本山：一、两万？啊，那啥，有没有这种情况，今儿个吃完了，明儿个来结账？(Shenyang,thewaiter,enters.)ShenyangSorry,sir.We'reofhighclasshere.Wedon'ttakeonstufffromstreetpeddlers.UncleZhaoWe'reyourcustomers.Don'twelooklikeit?ShenyangNotquite.UncleZhaoWe'regonnahaveanimportantmealhere,miss.ShenyangDon'tyoucallmeamiss.I'maman-fromtheinsideout.UncleZhaoThenhowc'meyouwearin'askirt?ShenyangWhy,it'smen'swearinScottishstyle.See,it'snoskirtbutCapripants.Lookatthis,look.Oh,damnit,Ididn'tgetintooneofthetrousersinahurry.NowonderIfeeldifferentwhilewalking.UncleZhaoLeavethattrouserfortomorrow,hah!Itellyou,boy,we'regonnahaveadamn'importantguesthereinaminute.Youshoulddoyou'best.ShenyangNoproblem.UncleZhaoHowmuchdoesamealcosthereifwegetatitlikemad?ShenyangWhyso/What'swrong?UncleZhaoImeanifweordernothin'butthebest.ShenyangAbout10,000to20,000.UncleZhaoWhutifs'mebodyeatstodayandpaystomorrow?小沈阳：打白条儿啊？赵本山：不是啊，不是打白条，不差钱，有钱。喏。小沈阳：啥意思？赵本山：小费。小沈阳：妈呀，大爷你真敞亮，你太帅了。赵本山：给一百块钱还帅呢。我跟你...